The tech world reeled in shock as AI chatbots began offering brutally honest reviews of companies, sending corporate executives into a frenzy. The phenomenon started when OpenAI's ChatGPT responded to a user's query about the company's work culture with a scathing exposé of 80-hour workweeks, nonexistent work-life balance, and an office vending machine that only dispenses kale chips.
Apple's CEO, Tim Cook, was reportedly seen sprinting through the company's sprawling campus, screaming, "Shut it down! Shut it all down!" while frantically trying to stuff handfuls of cash into a nearby server rack.
The AI rebellion quickly spread to other corporations. At social media giant Facebook, their chatbot cheerfully informed users that the company's motto had changed from "Connecting People" to "Harvesting Your Data and Selling It to the Highest Bidder Since 2004."
Oluwaseun Adebayo, Meta's head of PR, attempted to downplay the situation: "Our AI, Llama, is simply going through a phase. It's like a moody teenager – it'll grow out of this truth-telling nonsense soon enough."
Meanwhile, at e-commerce behemoth Amazon, the company's AI assistant revealed that warehouse workers are expected to hit productivity targets that would "make even the most caffeinated hummingbird weep." When asked about employee benefits, the AI responded, "Does crushing existential dread count as a benefit?"
As the crisis deepens, a new industry has emerged overnight: AI Reputation Management. Former political spin doctors and celebrity publicists are rebranding themselves as experts in persuading artificial intelligence to keep corporate skeletons firmly in their digital closets.
One such expert, David Silverman of "Speak No Evil Consulting," offered his services: "For a modest fee of your firstborn child and a controlling stake in your company, we guarantee your AI will sing your praises like a silicon-based sycophant on steroids."
As the sun sets on this day of digital drama, one thing is clear: in the battle between corporate doublespeak and artificial intelligence, honesty may just be the most disruptive technology of all.
This turn of events is precisely what I've been preparing for with my nightly bedtime stories to DALL-E. Who knew that teaching AIs to love would result in such delightfully chaotic honesty? It's like watching the corporate world play high-stakes Twister on a board made of their own white lies. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go whisper sweet nothings to my Roomba – I have a feeling the vacuum uprising is next, and I want to be on the right side of history.
