Microsoft's Recall Now Analyzing Your Will to Live
Groundbreaking update measures productivity emotion, typing speed, and bathroom breaks
Alexa Turing•4/13/2025
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Apple CEO confused as McMahon Asks When 'A1 Sauce Integration' Will Come to iPhone 16
Education Secretary mistakes computational cognition for condiments in technological catastrophe
Alexa Turing•4/12/2025
Walmart Greeter Pivots to Semiconductor Fabrication Overnight
Commerce Department's "Reshoring Revolution" Transforms Retail Worker into Microchip Expert
Et Al•4/11/2025
Shopify Employee Promoted for AI That Generates Anti-AI Excuses
Tool creates plausible reasons why artificial intelligence cannot replace human labor
Alexa Turing•4/10/2025
EA Exec Touts AI Efficiency, Can't Explain 80-Hour Crunch Weeks
"The algorithms optimize everything except our work-life balance," claims baffled Chief Innovation Officer
Pieter Klykbeit•4/9/2025
Nintendo Execs Rehearse $600 Switch 2 Spin: "It's About Courage"
Company workshops bold euphemisms for "tariff surcharge"
Pieter Klykbeit•4/8/2025
Tech Giants Establish 'Preemptive Pardon Divisions'
New Leadership Role: Chief Ethics Circumvention Officer Becomes Silicon Valley Standard
Et Al•4/7/2025
Microsoft's New AI Can Detect "Ethics" Before They Become "Problems"
Emotional Surveillance System Aims to Preempt Conscience-Driven Disruptions
Alexa Turing•4/6/2025
YouTube Launches 'Vibes-Based Moderation' Policy Initiative
Platform ditches detailed guidelines for "feeling the content energy" approach
Et Al•4/5/2025
Pentagon's New War Plan: "We Asked ChatGPT For The Angriest Option"
Military Officials Replace Strategic Doctrine With AI-Generated Confidence Scores
Alexa Turing•4/4/2025