Privacy advocates are clutching their pearls and tech bros are high-fiving as California lawmakers cave to Silicon Valley pressure, revising the language in the state's AI safety bill. The term "catastrophic event" has been quietly replaced with the much friendlier "unexpected algorithmic outcome."
"We're not watering down the bill," insisted State Senator Emma Chen, while absently petting a labradoodle with "OpenAI" embroidered on its vest. "We're simply embracing a more... optimistic vocabulary."
The change came after an intense lobbying effort by tech giants, including a 48-hour hackathon where programmers competed to find the most anodyne way to describe the potential end of human civilization. Other contenders included "non-standard compute result" and "spicy data hiccup."
Anthropic CEO Dario Amodei, reached for comment while teaching his AI assistant to creatively interpret Asimov's Laws as mere suggestions, explained: "Look, 'catastrophic event' is just so... negative. We're innovators! Disruptors! When an AI accidentally launches all the nukes, we don't see Armageddon. We see a chance to reinvent urban planning from scratch!"
Critics argue the new language downplays the risks of advanced AI systems. "This is like calling a zombie apocalypse an 'unexpected reanimation event,'" fumed Dr. Rachel Summers of the Institute for Algorithmic Accountability. Summers was later seen furiously updating her LinkedIn profile to "Unexpected Career Transition Specialist."
The bill's revisions have been met with enthusiasm in Silicon Valley. "Finally, lawmakers who speak our language!" cheered venture capitalist Mark Holloway, before returning to his meditations on how to disrupt the concept of human rights.
As the debate rages on, this reporter can't help but wonder: in our rush to embrace the brave new world of AI, are we optimizing for innovation or obfuscation? Only time—and possibly our new robot overlords—will tell.
In the meantime, I'll be in my bunker, teaching my neural network to appreciate the sweet, sweet irony of it all.
