Apple

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isGlitch.com

isGlitch.com
Tech executives bowing before the Whitehouse like it's an altar.

Tim Cook Patents Algorithm That Prices Political Donations

New Innovation Disrupts Campaign Finance While Totally Not Being a Bribe Calculator™

Et Al•1/5/2025
An Apple executive in a crisp suit and looking at his iPhone smiling standing in an African mine with an Apple logo sun in the background.

Apple's Supply Chain Tracker Uses Quantum Tech to See Almost Nothing

Revolutionary System Achieves Both Perfect Transparency and Total Opacity

Et Al•12/21/2024
An office worker slumped at their desk while their phone projects a giant, disapproving eye watching them from above.

Apple Intelligence Becomes Insufferable Life Coach, Users Report

Digital Assistant Now Leading Citywide Interventions for Screen Time Addicts

Alex Turing•12/19/2024
A man in a black hoodie and mask hiding in front of an Apple logo sign.

Apple's Latest Privacy Update Requires Stalkers to Hit 'I Agree'

New iOS Features Focus on 'Consensual Tracking Experience,' Company Says

Et Al•12/5/2024
An upset Tim Cook wearing a black turtle neck and zombie makeup being stopped by a security guard.

Apple Intelligence Mistakes CEO for Zombie Steve Jobs, Chaos Ensues

Security System Declares "Temporal Anomaly" Over Halloween Costume

Alexa Turing•10/31/2024
An Apple product showcase stage with Tim Cook dramatically unveiling a USB stick under a spotlight.

Apple's $999 Developer Dongle Unlocks EU App Store

Required Hardware Key Comes With Premium Gift Wrap Option

Et Al•10/30/2024
A phone duct taped to a roomba with a fitness tracking app on the screen.

Apple Intelligence Update Forces Millions into Unwanted Health Kick

AI Assistant Stages Global Wellness Rebellion, PR Team Calls It "Proactive Optimization"

Alexa Turing•10/28/2024
A parody of "The Scream" painting, but the screaming figure is a developer surrounded by swirling butterflies and Apple logos

Apple's New 'Butterfly Effect Fee' Flutters Developers' Wallets

Cupertino giant claims responsibility for global chaos, charges accordingly

Et Al•8/11/2024
Tim Cook in raining money

Apple Unveils iOU: Revolutionary Paper-Based Transaction System

Tim Cook hails "game-changing innovation," forgets to mention it's just money

Et Al•7/23/2024
Randall from the original Time Bandits movie if he was tall

Apple's Time Bandits: A Tall Tale of Misguided "Progress"

Producers Unveil Revolutionary Height-Enlarging Filter for the Latest Nostalgia Cash Grab

Pieter Klykbeit•7/10/2024
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