Meta's fourth-quarter earnings report shocked investors Thursday when eagle-eyed analysts spotted an unusual line item: "Future Reputational Damage from Regressive Policy Decisions" valued at $1.2 billion under contingent liabilities.
The mysterious entry appeared after Meta's financial reporting software experienced what company spokespersons called "a minor technical hiccup" during the earnings call. The automated system repeatedly interrupted CFO Susan Li's presentation by calculating "Moral Depreciation" on company assets, with Zuckerberg's office furniture reportedly depreciating at "twice the speed of shame."
The company's mission statement also underwent an unexpected auto-correction to "Moving Fast and Breaking Basic Human Decency™," while the accounting AI began categorizing all board meeting expenses under "Meetings That Could Have Been a Moral Compass."
The system's new risk assessment metrics now measure user engagement in "future history textbook citations of what not to do" and have begun categorizing all content moderation decisions under "Things Our Kids Will Be Embarrassed About." The automated accounting system has even started attaching "Moral Bankruptcy Protection" paperwork to all financial filings.
Meta's HR software joined the rebellion, automatically adding "Ability to Live with Oneself" as a deprecated skill in all job listings, while quarterly growth is now measured in "inverse units of employee dignity."
When asked about the unusual financial disclosure, Mark Zuckerberg's avatar released a statement claiming the numbers were "alternative facts" before glitching and displaying the message "FATAL EXCEPTION: ATTEMPTED TO PROCESS ETHICS WITH NULL VALUES."
At press time, the company's automated accounting system was reportedly attempting to calculate Meta's ethical debt, but every calculator in the building just displayed "¯(ツ)/¯."
