Microsoft's latest attempt to address antitrust concerns has backfired spectacularly after users discovered their new "Un-Bundle" feature paradoxically adds more Microsoft software to their systems while creating its own subscription tier called "Microsoft 365 Days of Regret."
The feature, accessible through a hidden menu that only appears when clicking the Start button while holding Ctrl+Alt+Delete+F12+TheirProfitMargins, promises to "respectfully disaggregate your Microsoft experience." However, users report that selecting "Un-Bundle" mysteriously installs between three and seventeen new Microsoft applications—including the surprisingly hostile "Microsoft Legal: Enhanced Defense Edition" which automatically files countersuits when users attempt to complain.
"I tried to un-bundle Outlook from my work computer," reports enterprise customer Rachel Martinez. "Now I have three different versions of Outlook engaged in a brutal custody battle over my unread emails. The 'Classic' version keeps passive-aggressively marking everything as spam, while 'Modern' Outlook insists on delivering everything to a folder called 'Future Evidence.'"
The situation worsened when users discovered the Un-Bundle button itself comes pre-bundled with three other buttons they never asked for: "Maybe Bundle," "Bundle Plus," and "Bundle Classic (Now with More Bundles)." Meanwhile, attempts to remove Edge browser have resulted in what Microsoft's internal documentation calls "corporate mitosis," with each instance of Edge splitting into two browsers, each claiming to be "the most un-bundled browser you've ever trusted with all your data."
Microsoft spokesperson Jennifer McKay defended the feature: "Un-Bundle works exactly as intended. By creating more bundles, we're giving users the freedom to choose which bundles they want their bundles bundled with. It's all about choice, specifically our choice to keep choosing for you."
The FTC has reportedly opened another investigation, but their computers crashed while trying to install the Un-Bundle feature to gather evidence. Sources say their systems are now running sixteen copies of Teams, all of which are trying to schedule a meeting with each other about "synergizing deployment efficiency."
