Following the UK government's controversial order requiring Apple to create a universal backdoor for all devices, ministers were startled to discover their secure government-issued phones exclusively playing The Police's "Every Breath You Take" during closed-door meetings about citizen privacy protections.
The mysterious musical phenomenon began shortly after the backdoor implementation, with Home Secretary Jessica Thompson's phone interrupting a parliamentary session by blasting "I'll be watching you" during her speech defending the encryption policy. The parliamentary transcription system has mysteriously begun adding "(Watching you watching me)" after every MP's name, a feature IT staff cannot disable.
"At first we thought it was just a coincidence," reported IT specialist James Murphy. "But then 'Don't Stand So Close to Me' started playing whenever MPs accessed classified documents, and 'Message in a Bottle' hijacked every attempted secure communication."
The situation escalated when Prime Minister's Questions was derailed by a synchronized chorus of "Wrapped Around Your Finger" emanating from the front bench's devices. Conservative MP Richard Hamilton insisted it was "purely coincidental" that his phone switched to "Can't Stand Losing You" while voting on privacy legislation.
Apple's tech support, bound by the government's gag order, could only respond to complaints by humming "Roxanne."
Sources say Five Eyes partners are now competing for surveillance soundtrack privileges, with Canada politely requesting Leonard Cohen's "Bird on a Wire" for their morning briefings, while New Zealand insists Lorde's "The Love Club" better captures the "exclusive surveillance partnership vibe" of the Five Eyes alliance.
