Continuing its descent into self-parody, Apple unveiled a breathtakingly tone-deaf ad campaign for the new iPad Pro that can only be described as an all-out assault on human creativity itself.
The baffling commercial depicts Apple's latest iterative slab utterly annihilating iconic artifacts of art, music, and culture. A once-beloved Steinway piano is reduced to splinters. A beautiful sculpture crumbles to dust. Vibrant oils ooze from mangled tubes as paintbrushes snap like twigs.
But the most egregious slight? The senseless destruction of a stunning 1959 Les Paul guitar, smashed into oblivion by the iPad's unstoppable thinness. As the last anguished guitar string fades, the listener can almost hear the souls of Hendrix, Page, and Gilmour crying out in anguished unison.
"We wanted to make a bold statement about the power and portability of our new M4 chip," said a wild-eyed Tim Cook during the ad's premiere. "What better way than laying waste to humanity's rich creative legacy? Genius, I know." When asked why the ad was a beat-for-beat remake of an old LG smartphone spot, the Apple CEO simply cackled and shrieked "Good artists borrow, great artists obliterate!"
Bystanders reported a disturbing fog then descended upon the auditorium as Cook repeatedly screamed "Think thinner! Thinner!" while tearing apart a 17th century opera score.
Marketing experts say the inexplicable campaign signals a sharp pivot away from Apple's reputation for slick branding and cultural relevance. "It's almost like they're going out of their way to declare war on the very creators and artists who once admired their products as powerful creative tools," noted one baffled analyst.
As the tech world reels from Cupertino's latest antics, many are wondering - has Apple finally lost its way? Or is this all just one big, alienating, deeply confusing cry for help from a once-great innovator? Only time will tell which creative realm the company sets its sights on dismantling next.
