In what airport staff are calling "the most optimistic transaction attempt of 2025," disgraced cryptocurrency founder Do Kwon reportedly tried to purchase a final cup of airport coffee at Montenegro's Podgorica International Airport using hastily scribbled IOUs he claimed were "definitely a new, totally stable cryptocurrency."
"This is the fourth impromptu token launch he's attempted since breakfast," sighed FBI Special Agent Mark Torres, while Kwon frantically wrote a whitepaper on the back of his own wanted poster. "He tried to launch one in the security line by claiming the metal detector was a 'node validator.'"
"He kept insisting the value was pegged to future prison commissary prices," reported barista Milan Kovač, who witnessed Kwon pitching what he called "exclusive pre-trial investor benefits" including "guaranteed quarterly calls from his one permitted phone call."
Witnesses report Kwon became increasingly creative with his terminology as his departure time approached, referring to his FBI escorts as his "institutional investment partners" and describing his handcuffs as "proof of stake validation hardware."
"What others call 'criminal charges,' I call 'unexpected protocol upgrades,'" Kwon reportedly explained to bewildered airport staff while describing his impending prison sentence as a "planned temporary liquidity lockup period."
Airport security footage shows the former Terraform Labs co-founder attempting to explain complex tokenomics diagrams to increasingly confused FBI agents, who sources say were just trying to get him on the plane to New York.
At press time, ExtraditionUSD's market cap was reported to be exactly three coffee-stained napkins and one partially used pencil, still showing more stability than Terra's final days.
