You know that feeling when your mother-in-law just won't stop bringing up that one embarrassing thing you did years ago? Well, get ready to experience that wonderful sense of dread and shame 24/7 with Microsoft's newest innovation: the World's First Virtual Mother-in-Law PC!
In a bold move that's sure to have privacy advocates clutching their pearls, Microsoft has unveiled an upgraded version of their Copilot AI assistant. This new "feature" will essentially give your computer a photographic memory, recalling every single thing you do and say in front of it.
"We're really excited about this groundbreaking technology," beamed an overly chipper Microsoft rep during the cringe-inducing announcement. "Our virtual mother-in-law will provide real-time commentary and advice on all your digital activities - whether you want it or not!"
Picture this: you're engaged in a harmless late-night internet rabbit hole about puppies or marble racing, when suddenly Clippy 2.0 pipes up with "Oh hunny, don't you think you've looked at enough puppy pictures for one night? You really should be asleep by now if you want to be productive at work tomorrow!"
Or maybe you're having a private video call with your therapist, working through some personal issues. In barges your new AI mother-in-law screaming "I knew Tommy Wilkins from the 3rd grade was nothing but trouble! You listen to me, young lady/man/otherkin..."
The possibilities for excruciating secondhand embarrassment are endless! Just like the real thing, Microsoft's virtual mother-in-law has no sense of boundaries or volume control.
When asked about privacy concerns, the rep simply scoffed. "Privacy is for people with nothing to hide. Our Comrades at Microsoft know that real families share everything! What's yours is ours, comrade!"
So get ready to either become a hermit who never uses a computer again or to have permanent stress lines etched onto your face by age 25. The future is...creepily maternal?
