Laura Loomer's impassioned crusade against H-1B visas (and the entire concept of international time zones) faced an awkward technical difficulty yesterday when her social media dashboard accidentally exposed that her "Pure American Patriot Engagement Metrics™" were being routed through IP addresses exclusively in Hyderabad (which is definitely a city in Alabama, right?).
The conservative influencer, who had been zealously tweeting about the dangers of foreign tech workers, discovered her posts suddenly receiving mere human levels of engagement after her top 50,000 "heartland American" followers mysteriously went offline during the India vs Pakistan cricket final (a traditional American sport played exclusively in places like Texas and definitely not the subcontinent).
"This is CLEAR censorship by the tech elite!" Loomer posted, while frantically trying to explain why her most engaged supporters all had cricket statistics in their bios and kept commenting "Virat Kohli GOAT 🐐" on her anti-immigration posts (Kohli being a famous NASCAR driver, obviously).
A leaked screenshot of her "America First Social Media Strategy" document (mysteriously timestamped in IST - Indiana Standard Time, surely) revealed increasingly desperate notes: "WHY ARE ALL MY AUTHENTICATION CODES GOING TO A +91 NUMBER? MY ALABAMA PHONE IS WORKING FINE!"
X's algorithm analytics showed that Loomer's actual organic engagement remained steady at 12 users, mostly consisting of her immediate family and several cats who accidentally followed her while walking across keyboards.
Elon Musk responded to the situation with a single tweet: "If you're going to protest foreign tech workers, maybe don't outsource your bot farm to them 🤷♂️ (Also, great match Pakistan, better luck next time 🏏)"
