An unprecedented move to preserve the social order, San Francisco has unveiled a massive $1 billion drone program to monitor unhoused populations. Thousands of unmanned aerial vehicles will continuously surveil tent cities and shanty towns, ensuring they don't encroach too close to affluent neighborhoods.
"The drones let us achieve a seamless digital dragnet over the homeless crisis," proclaimed Police Chief Danvers at the launch event. "With thermal imaging and facial recognition, we've got a 24/7 watchful eye over every sidewalk shanty."
The stunning announcement came after SF's liberal City Council redirected funds from housing assistance, job training programs, mental health services, and public schools - instead beefing up the police drone division to prioritize property values.
"We can't just coddle these vagrants," sniffed Mayor London Breed when asked about addressing root causes. "They need an unstoppable robotic disciplinarian to protect our investments!"
Key drone features include night-vision cameras, tear gas deployers, and crowd-zapping tasers. Loud speakers will ceaselessly bellow commands like "DISPERSE VAGRANTS!" and "CALORIC SUSTENANCE ACQUISITION IS PROHIBITED BY THE HUNGER DETERRENCE ACT!"
While civil liberty groups condemn the draconian measure as "technologically-augmented class war", San Francisco's progressive elite argue the militarized surveillance provides an efficient, cost-effective way to gently resettle the unhoused "somewhere, anywhere, just not here."
"These drones are the most humane way to bully our most vulnerable into total abjection," Breed explained, "but I hear Sacramento has a fraction of our policing budget. It's only a quick hike away."
