Desperate for clicks and internet infamy, YouTuber Jacob Jackson took amateur product testing to shocking new levels this week. His attempt to gauge the safety of Tesla's latest Cybertruck frunk sensor update went horribly awry when Jackson substituted his own genitalia for the typical test objects like fingers, carrots or cucumbers.
"I really wanted to see if this update made the frunk safe enough to avoid dismembering my most prized appendage," explained Jackson from his hospital bed. "Veggies and stuff were just too tame. My viewers demand full-commitment stunts."
Medical professionals remain baffled by Jackson' unconventional idiotic behavior. "In my 20 years of practice, I've treated countless brain injuries...but never one caused by deliberate mechanical crushing of the penis," said Dr. Amanda Roberts, still visibly shaken. "There's just no rational justification for such self-mutilation."
According to reports, after closing the frunk onto various produce with mixed results, Jackson made the fateful decision to personally friction-test the sensor stoppage system using his membrum virile. The frunk unfortunately did not recognize the fleshy intrusion, slamming shut onto the YouTuber's manhood with full damaging force.
"It was like a bear trap violated by a fettucine noodle," Jackson said, his voice trembling. "The searing pain...the frunk's unyielding clutch...that cold unfeeling electric crunch. I'll never be able to pee straight again!"
When reached for comment, a Tesla spokesperson simply shook their head and said "Why...just...why would anyone do that?" Indeed, a question for the ages.
