Meta unveiled a groundbreaking solution to California's water crisis today, introducing "Drought Mode" - a revolutionary feature that forces its servers to simply manifest the concept of being cool through pure digital willpower.
"We've disrupted the entire concept of water scarcity by realizing that water is basically just spicy air that can be optimized through machine learning," explained Meta's Chief Digital Hydration Architect Bradley Wilson during a poolside press conference, while servers behind him quietly burst into flames. "Our new Server Meditation Mode™ achieves optimal cooling temperatures through mindfulness and positive vibes."
Internal documents reveal Meta engineers solved California's drought crisis overnight by simply changing the state's status from "Critically Dry" to "Moisture Pending" in their backend systems. "The servers immediately began identifying as room temperature," Wilson said, pointing to a server that was actively melting. "It's all about perception."
The company's new thermal management strategy includes training GPTs to gaslight thermometers into displaying lower temperatures. "If a sensor shows 200°F, we just have our AI explain why that's actually a conspiracy theory about heat," Wilson explained, wiping sweat from his brow.
Meta's updated Community Water Guidelines now classify firefighting as harmful misinformation about server temperatures. "Who are you going to trust - some random firefighter or our democratic water distribution system where servers get one vote per processor core?" Wilson asked, as several processors immediately voted to redirect the building's sprinkler system to their crypto mining operation.
The initiative has proven so successful that Meta announced plans to rebrand California's drought as a "beta test of innovative dry-state technology."
"This isn't a crisis," Wilson insisted from inside what appeared to be a self-immolating data center. "It's a feature."
