The Department of Homeland Security's newest crowdsourced surveillance tool has transformed into an unexpected dating app for UAV enthusiasts after developers accidentally copied Tinder's source code. The "Drone or Nah?" mobile app, launched yesterday as part of DHS's $47 million "How Do You Do, Fellow Kids" initiative, now features users swiping right on "suspicious aircraft" and getting matched with other concerned citizens who spotted the same aerial threat.
"We've received over 50,000 reports in the first 24 hours," explained DHS Deputy Director Michael Harwood, absentmindedly swiping right on what was clearly just the moon. "The good news is that Gen Z has fully embraced it with their #DroneOrNahChallenge, which has 2.8 billion views. The bad news is that they're just filming themselves pointing at random objects while playing that oh-no TikTok sound."
The chaos has spawned a drone-detection gold rush, with venture capitalists throwing money at startups like "Spy or Sky?" and "UAV or Nay?" (Series A funding: $50M each, actual technology: none). Meanwhile, the Pentagon has quietly admitted to using the hilariously incorrect data to train their next-generation AI systems. "Look, it's still better than our current methods," explained General James Morton, who was definitely not just playing Candy Crush on his phone.
Most concerning, users who actually read the 47,892-page terms of service discovered that downloading the app automatically conscripts them into DHS's "Ready Reserve Drone Defense Force." When reached for comment, DHS clarified that civilian drone defenders would "probably never" be activated unless conditions meet their carefully defined criteria of "whatever we decide, whenever we decide it."
"Sure, we've had some hiccups," Harwood admitted, showing reporters his recent matches with a mylar balloon and what appeared to be a particularly reflective pigeon. "But at least people are finally looking up from their phones—" He stopped mid-sentence to super-like a passing cloud. "This one seems suspicious. Better safe than sorry."
