Media executives from Norway's largest streaming platforms have launched a groundbreaking initiative to combat digital piracy by temporarily moving in with young viewers who can't afford their services, though the program has already required significant modifications.
Following several mental health incidents, all executives must now undergo psychological screening after Regional Director Henrik Larsen was found in his host's kitchen at 3 AM, rocking back and forth while clutching a spreadsheet and muttering "but the quarterly profits" repeatedly.
The "Adopt-A-Pirate" program pairs high-level executives earning seven-figure salaries with cash-strapped Norwegians under 30 who have been caught using illegal streaming services. One executive's personal chef quit within hours after discovering what he called "an insufficient herb garden" consisting of a single wilting basil plant on a dormitory windowsill.
Program participants must complete several challenges, including a "budget night" where executives plan a month of entertainment using only their intern's salary. "I had to lie down after twenty minutes," admitted StreamNor CEO Lars Bakken. "Apparently, you can't just create a new business unit when you run out of money."
The initiative faced further controversy when NordFlix COO Erik Haugen attempted to expense his host's entire student loan debt as "essential market research." Meanwhile, a leaked WhatsApp group called "SOS - Save Our Shareholders" revealed executives sharing coping strategies, including one who wrote: "Their password-sharing operation has better organizational structure than our entire management team. Should we hire them?"
Technical challenges have also proved overwhelming. "They expect me to use this?" exclaimed Media Director Astrid Nilsen, pointing at her host's 2015 laptop with a cracked screen. "I've developed an eye twitch since they took away my MacBook Pro. My therapist says it's withdrawal."
The program will conclude with a black-tie gala where executives will present their findings to shareholders. Tickets start at 5,000 kr, with proceeds going toward developing new DRM technology and trauma counseling for participating executives.
