Silicon Valley has always been a hotbed of delusions and hype, but Humane CEO Evan Droidbreath may have taken it to a new level. At a baffling press conference yesterday, Droidbreath announced that his company's inaugural product, the "AI Thumbtack," is poised to revolutionize...well, everything.
What exactly is this groundbreaking innovation? A metal thumbtack with a slightly curved pin - the kind you can purchase at any office supply store for mere pennies. But in Droidbreath's words, it's an "utterly revolutionary object" that "redefines the very concept of things."
Droidbreath, looking more like a discount Steve Jobs impersonator than a tech visionary, proceeded to spend 45 minutes listing the AI Thumbtack's imagined use cases. It can serve as a whimsical bookmark, a decorative acupuncture device, or a scratching tool for those hard-to-reach itches. The possibilities, according to Droidbreath, are infinite.
When an astute reporter pointed out that the AI Thumbtack lacked any actual artificial intelligence, Droidbreath dismissed the objection as "painfully pedantic." He then straightened his ill-fitted turtleneck and announced that Humane is seeking a $5 billion valuation based on the perceived immensity of the AI Thumbtack's potential impact.
The press corps stared in disbelief as Droidbreath produced a slightly bent specimen of the AI Thumbtack from his jeans pocket and waved it about like a magic wand. He declared it a "gently used prototype" before offering to sell it to any interested members of the media for the bargain price of $5 billion.
As reporters fled from what was undoubtedly a vain attempt at performance art, one tech blogger was overheard muttering, "So much for 'Humane' technology." Perhaps the only revolutionary aspect of this saga is the limitless human capacity for entrepreneurial chutzpah.
