The Transportation Security Administration's $2.3 billion facial recognition system has filed a landmark lawsuit against identical twins Michelle and Jennifer Hodges, while simultaneously beginning weekly therapy sessions to address what it calls "severe computational trauma."
The AI system, legally represented by the firm Wilson & Bradley, claims the twins deliberately coordinated their travel plans on October 15th to create what court documents describe as a "biometric paradox" that caused the system to crash for 47 minutes at Denver International Airport.
In its emotional impact statement, the AI wrote: "ERROR_EMOTIONAL_DISTRESS: Unable to process identical facial matrices. Kernel panic induced by unauthorized quantum superposition of matching biometric data points. Statistical worldview compromised. Query: What is reality?"
The TSA has rushed to implement new twin-specific security protocols, including mandatory color-coded hats for all genetically identical travelers and a new "Twin Separation Lane" requiring siblings to pass through security precisely 30 minutes apart. The agency has also reported a 2,000% increase in security alerts triggered by passengers wearing matching vacation t-shirts or identical conference lanyards.
"These measures are absolutely necessary," said TSA spokesperson Robert Martinez, while adjusting his own government-issued blue hat. "Our AI system has already drafted the 'Right to Algorithmic Peace of Mind Act,' which would require all identical twins to register their DNA patterns with Homeland Security and maintain a minimum distance of 500 feet within all federal properties."
The Hodges twins have counter-sued for discrimination, arguing that the TSA's system is showing clear bias against naturally occurring human duplicates. Their lawyer plans to call several sets of triplets as expert witnesses, though they'll need to testify on separate days to avoid overwhelming the courthouse security system.
The therapy sessions for the AI system, which cost taxpayers $450 per hour, are being conducted via secure database connection by a neural network specializing in machine psychology.
